Monday, December 2, 1996

Week of 12/02/1996

And now a message from the Borg.
- by David Matthews 2

Hey folks! Don’t you just hate it when people don’t think just like you do?

Don’t you just hate that awkward feeling when you do something and other people don’t exactly do what you do? Or worse yet, they go so far as to ASK you what you did?


So do something about it! Join the collective!

Yes, why bother having to do such mundane things as THINKING when you can have other people do your thinking for you? Why even have rational thoughts? After all, it just gets in the way of more important things that need to get done in your day-to-day existence.

When you’re part of the collective you can rest assured that no matter what happens, other people will be doing just what you’re doing. No more worries about not being in fashion, because when you’re one with the collective you’re ALWAYS in vogue. As a matter of fact, if we get our way... and we always do... WE will soon be setting the trends again, so you won’t have to worry about whether or not you’re keeping up with your neighbors.

In the collective your values are OUR values... and OUR values are your values, even if you don’t agree with them. Besides, we KNOW we’re right about OUR values anyways, so what you yourself think is right or wrong is irrelevant.

And in the collective you have FREEDOM. Freedom from crime, freedom from poverty, freedom from isolation. Nothing like those irrelevant freedoms people talk about like freedom of speech or religion or the press. We know that’s all just bull anyways. Besides, you can’t really have those kinds of freedoms in OUR society, so why worry about them?

Now we know what you’re thinking - "Gee, I’d like to join the collective, but what about my neighbors? What if they don’t join the collective? I might appear a bit odd if I’m the only one in the neighborhood who’s part of this collective."

Well you won’t have to think that way.. (As a matter of fact, we’d prefer if you didn’t think at all, but we digress…) because rest assured, your neighbors will soon be joining into the collective, even if they don’t want to. In fact, we’re sweeping the area, neighborhood by neighborhood. Before long EVERYONE will be following OUR dictates.

Plus, as an added bonus, you get peace of mind in the collective. Peace of mind in that with the collective you won’t have to worry about being held RESPONSIBLE for anything. Why would you? After all, when you follow with the collective (and dispose of that nasty habit of thinking), there won’t be anything you have to be held responsible for! Besides, we have a long list of ready-made scapegoats for you to blame everything on from Hollywood to television to magazines to junk food!

Right about now, you may be having second thoughts about joining the collective. We understand, but you have to realize that we’re a force to be reckoned with. You can’t stop us. We’ve been here for generations. We are your past. We are your present. And we ARE your future, whether you like it or not.

And rest assured, the collective ALWAYS gets it’s way. Maybe not immediately, but eventually we do. If a judge gets in our way, we work to replace that judge. If a legislator doesn’t support us, we work to remove him or her from office. If a business is selling something we don’t approve of, we do everything in our power to put the owner out of business. And if the issue is right, we’ll even get the media to do most of our dirty work for us. We do everything in our power to discredit, dishonor, and eventually destroy our opposition.

Resistance is futile. You WILL be assimilated.

No comments: