An Open
Letter To Sales
This is a message to all the salespeople and their various tactics. I understand that you have a job that you
have to do, but the way you approach me or the people that I know to get your
sales have become rude and quite aggravating.
So, here I am, making not-so-humble requests to your sorry lot over some
of those tactics.
Because someone needs to say it, and it might as well be me.
To the Roofing Tile
Salesman...
First of all, thank you for showing up at my home to personally insult my
home and claim that I have “outdated tiles”.
We both know there’s no such term, so screw you for trying to convince
me that there is.
I also know that you didn’t do business with my next-door neighbor to get
his roof re-done. The most obvious
reason is that I would have noticed something like that. Replacing roofing tiles is not something done
on-the-sly. There would be trucks and
tarps and crew next door. Everyone would
know, especially those of us who live right next door. I should also point out that the neighbor you
used as your reference happens to sit on the Home Owners Association board, and
he is also a member of the local government, so I know that he would not do
something as stupid as to allow someone like you to use him as a reference for
your solicitations.
Oh, and in case it slipped your attention, there is this nice big sign at
the entranceway to our little neighborhood that says in plain English: “No
Solicitors Allowed.” Guess what,
slick? That’s you. You are a salesman. That means that you are a solicitor. That also means that you are not welcomed to
hassle myself or my neighbors, even if you really did have business with one of
them.
I also did not appreciate you following up on your insulting my home with
your pretend “handmade” letter, again trying to convince me that I have
“outdated tiles”. If insulting me in
person in violation of our “no solicitors” rule wasn’t enough to get me to do
business with you, what make you think that your pretend “handmade” letter done
through an inkjet printer would do the trick?
In short, your sales tactics are insulting and not welcomed. It would be best if you find another line of
work.
To the Insurance Sales
Caller...
First of all, we both know that you are a liar.
You bombard my cellphone – which is on the National Do Not Call List –
with prerecorded messages claiming that I was “searching for insurance on the
Internet”. Even if I was, there was no
way my searching for insurance would automatically trigger a phone call from
you.
So you are a liar. We both know
that you are a liar.
So why the hell should I ever trust you with anything that you want to
pitch? You’ve already proven that you
cannot be trusted. You’ve already lost
the sale and you haven’t even pitched it to me.
Stop lying and go find another job.
To the mortgage lenders who
send daily junk mail...
What makes you think that sending your crap to my mailbox every single
day in various different formats will ever convince me to do business with
you? We said “no” once already. Hassling me every single day with all sorts
of different messages and phony “cards” will not change my mind about you. The fact that you are able to abuse the
postal service with your daily crap mailings only makes what you do that much
more despicable.
“No” means no! It does not mean
try again tomorrow with a different envelope.
You are a pest and to hear about your “lending services” going into
bankruptcy anytime soon cannot come soon enough for me.
To the realtors and
house-flippers...
No, I do not want to sell my house.
It’s not “mine” to sell. And, even
if it was, I wouldn’t want to sell it to someone I don’t even know except
through some pretend “hand-written” letter with a business card.
I know this may come as a shock for you, but there are plenty of people
who do not treat their home as a commodity that they can buy and sell at a
moment’s notice for an extra buck. They
actually want to stay in their home and live in their home. That is especially true in senior
communities. These people aren’t waiting
for you with bated breath to make an offer on their home. They’re living in their homes because this is
where they want to spend the last years of their lives.
So why the hell are you bothering these people? Let these people enjoy their final years in
their homes.
And, by the way, I would be remiss if I didn’t bring up the tactic you
folks are using in cities like Pittsburgh where you file anonymous
complaints with the local code enforcement agency on the people who don’t want
to sell their homes on you. That goes
right up there with swatting
as despicable behavior. Worse yet, you’re
engaging in that practice not to point out legitimate code violations but to
pressure people to sell their homes to you.
If it’s not considered criminals racketeering, it should damn well be.
You know, I get it. Real estate is
a big thing. House flipping is the new cash
cow. You want to make your profit. But here’s the catch: not everything is for
sale just because you want it to be. Not
all homeowners are commodity whores like you.
And finally...
To the ad people in Facebook
and Instagram...
Which part of “hide” do you not seem to understand when it comes to your
ads? You give me the option to “hide” certain
ads, but then they show up again, and the “hide” option is still checked. And then, after a while, nothing gets hidden
at all.
I know you want me to just click on the ads so you can get paid, but I’m
not here to be your pay-click. Your ads
suck, and your algorithms suck even worse.
Right now the only reason why I continue to use your services is because
there is a need that exceeds your abuses.
But, if you keep making it more and more difficult to scroll through my
feeds without seeing your stupid ads, that could very well change.
Let’s get brutally honest here... there is a reason why salespeople have
a bad reputation, and these folks eagerly sustain it. “No” means “no”! It does not mean “no, but I might change my
mind if you try again even harder tomorrow” or “no, but I really mean yes” or “no,
but I might weaken if you act like a stalker and harass me every single day and
every single night”. And especially “no”
does not mean “no, but I’ll say yes if you use the tactics of organized
criminals to wear me down”.
A century-and-a-half ago, there was a term to describe the unscrupulous
actions of businessmen. They were called
“robber barons”. While sales people don’t
necessarily aspire to the level of “barons”, they certainly deserve to be
called “stalker knaves” for their own unscrupulous actions.
The message is simple, sales... clean up your act and focus on the people
who truly want your services instead of obsessing over the ones who don’t. “No” means “no”. That’s the rule for interpersonal relations
and also needs to be the mantra for sales.
“No” means “no”!
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