Monday, January 26, 1998

Week of 01/26/1998

Sex, Lies, and Clinton
Same old, same old
- by David Matthews 2

The news this past week surrounded sex. The 25th anniversary celebrating (or condemning, depending on your stance) Roe Vs. Wade, the Supreme Court decision legalizing abortion, was shadowed by the ongoing scandal that is William Jefferson Clinton, president of the United States of America. Did he have an affair with an intern? Did he tell the intern to lie about the affair? Did he lie about not having an affair with Gennifer Flowers? Yadda-yadda-yadda.

All the major news items of the day were put on the back burner. The Pope in Cuba, Microsoft giving a partial settlement to Janet Reno, the Unabomber plea bargain… they all were pushed aside for the convoluted sex life of Bill Clinton. Even the air-fluffed news anchors left their "special assignment" spots in Havana to lead the media orgy in Washington.

And waiting in the wings of this neo-Watergate love-feast are special prosecutor Kenneth Starr, who has already filed more subpoenas this week over this new twist than a paternity lawyer for Madonna; and the Republican Party, who are licking their chops in the hopes of finally, FINALLY, nailing something on Clinton. If they could be any more rabid in anticipation, they’d be foaming at the mouth like mad dogs.

You know, I’ll be brutally honest here - this is not news to me! This is just more of the same for a career politician who feels he can do no wrong. We’ve KNOWN of Bill Clinton’s marital improprieties way back in 92. Between then and now, we’ve been subjected to allegations that then Governor Clinton had state troopers bring women to him, and the claim from Gennifer Flowers that she had a twelve-year affair with Clinton, and, of course, Paula Jones and her claim that Clinton sexually harassed her. Should we be surprised to hear that these weren’t the only allegations?

When it comes to politics and sex, we went from elderly presidential couples whom we can’t imagine having sex since the invention of fire, to a baby boom couple who squeaked into the White House on the back of allegations of marital improprieties. And there are plenty of precedents for White House affairs. Franklin Roosevelt and John Kennedy come to mind. Although this is the first time such affairs are made public while the president is not only still alive, but still in office!

On top of that, America seems to suffer from the intellectual version of bulimia. We consider ourselves to be piously above all our primal needs, and yet can’t explain why we regularly gorge out on them. And while this should not be seen to absolve President Clinton of any wrongdoing, this should explain why we have a constant problem with guys like him. We go from Stepford pod people who only seem to reproduce through mitosis, to geriatrics who can’t remember their last bowel movement never mind their last orgasm, to politicians who can’t keep their hands (and other appendages) off anything that moves.

If the allegations are true, should Clinton be impeached for having an affair? Or even, as veteran writer Jules Siegel suggests, for sodomy? Perhaps if adultery or oral sex is illegal in DC as it is in states like Georgia, but certainly not for the whims of the Gods of Mount Morality in trying to enforce some dysfunctional and convoluted sense of political ethics. The words "ethics" and "politics" are as opposite to each other as the sun is to the planet Pluto.

Should Clinton be impeached for lying? Who amongst the Gods of Mount Legislation haven’t lied to their constituents at any point in their careers? Do the words "we want to get government off your backs and out of your lives" mean anything to the Republicans? And "read my lips - no new taxes"?

If there is any reason why Clinton should be impeached, it shouldn’t be for something as trivial as an affair. There are plenty of other charges that hang over his head like the Sword of Damocles. Evidence tampering, possible illegal campaign contributions, using agencies like the IRS for personal vendettas, and other charges that are either being investigated by independent council or waiting to be investigated on.

To shadow the words of Steve Dasbach, former chairman of the Libertarian Party, there are more important things to concern ourselves with about the Clinton Administration. The administration’s efforts to censor the Internet, hinder medical research, regulate every aspect of business and human interaction, expand eavesdropping to Orwellian standards, and tax heavily otherwise legal activities to pay for socialized child care should be of a greater importance to the American people.

But the politicians won’t talk about those issues, because behind the faux patriotic banter, they support some or all of these socialistic measures. So instead, they’ll let the media have their journalistic orgasms over pretty faces like Monica Lewinsky and Gennifer Flowers, while they go about their business of appeasing their special interest masters and screwing the American people. These folks get off doing politically what they would bar their own constituents doing to each other for real in the privacy of their own homes.

And for those diehard members of the Democrat and Republican parties who are thinking about impeaching Clinton, I have one thought to offer that should chill both parties to the bone: President Al Gore, and Vice President Newt Gingrich! Does the name Gerald Ford ring a bell? Or perhaps make you trip on some stairs?

You know, what’s really the sad part about this is that Monica Lewinsky is being dragged through the mud before she can even say two words in front of a camera. Clinton supporters are quick to call her a slut long before they can fathom the idea that it takes two to have an affair. (Otherwise it’s called masturbation.) In all appearances, Monica Lewinsky is simply a pawn being moved by big political players hungry for a checkmate and oblivious to the reality that an otherwise ordinary woman is having her life destroyed in the process.

Think of it as the "Richard Jewel Syndrome" - destroying the lives of innocent people for purely PR purposes.

Thanks to high-priced Washington spin doctors, we can have someone like Bill Clinton shoot a man in cold blood in front of a nationwide audience, and be told it’s the fault of the man for standing in the path of the bullet. And the really pathetic part is that public opinion polls will be in before the body is even presumed dead.

If by some chance Clinton squeaks by this so-called "crisis" yet again, I have no doubt he will leave the White House exactly the way I predicted it last year - with a wave and a smile. And perhaps the minute the door closes on Air Force One, he would no doubt laugh his ass off at pulling over the biggest con job over America since the Warren Commission.

Or as a fellow libertarian once said, you get the government you deserve.

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