Stop It!
Just Stop It!
The hard part about doing a weekly commentary/opinion column is that sometimes you have a problem narrowing on just one subject. Sometimes it’s the beating the dead horse of the same subject that just can’t seem to go away. Sometimes it’s a whole bunch of subjects that are just too small to really get a good article going.
Well in this case, these are little things that really just get on my nerves, and they all make me want to grab them by the lapels and scream “Stop it! Just stop it!” And I’m sure some of you would want to do that too.
Coke and Pepsi – Stop it with the “new flavors”! The big soda companies can’t just seem to leave well enough alone with their soft drinks. Coke keeps wanting to re-invent Coca-Cola, their premiere soda, but people keep wanting the old stuff back. But that’s not enough for them. Coke is trying to come up with “new flavors” to add to their list.
Not too long ago they came up with “Coke Starlight”, which they claimed tasted “like a galaxy”. Actually, it tasted sort of like a certain Pepsi product that is hard to find, but I’ll get to that in a minute.
Their newest flavor is “Coke Dreamworld”, which is supposed to “taste like a dream”. I’m sorry, but, no, it doesn’t taste like dreams. It tastes like sadness with carbonated syrup. No dream feels that sad and no nightmare comes off that sweet.
Then there’s Pepsi and their ever-changing flavors of Mountain Dew. I mean, it’s one thing to have the original, and then they came up with “Code Red” and “Voltage” – this commentator’s personal favorite – but then they decided to shelve “Voltage” and come up with all of these other flavors involving mangos and melons and at some point they decided to go down the path of chemical warfare with their “flaming hot” cayenne pepper drink.
First, I’m glad they changed their minds and brought back “Voltage”, but it’s still hard to find because stores keep on shoving all of these “Baja” variations plus the stuff that nobody is really buying. When “Code Red” and “Voltage” keeps on vanishing from the shelves but all of those other flavors stay there and collect dust, that should tell the Pepsi suits something that they clearly are not listening.
Simply put, Coke and Pepsi... stop it! Just stop it!
Fast Food People – enough with the crispy and spicy! There’s a very simple reason why I don’t like fried anything from fast food people and that is that, all too often, there’s more fried than food. If it seems thick, it’s because there’s too much breading instead of more meat. If it’s “crispy” it means it’s over-fried and I’m likely to lose a tooth in the exchange. And if it’s “spicy” it means there’s hot stuff on the breading, not what’s inside.
By the way, the same applies to those frozen meals. What the hell is up with the chemical warfare options? It’s like every microwavable meal is now loaded with the same chemicals as in tear gas. Whatever happened to other forms of spices? You know, salt, garlic, paprika? Do you really have to layer everything in toxic levels of cayenne to make it uneatable?
Either way, I won’t choose it if I have to, so stop it! Just stop it!
Warner Brothers Discovery – enough with the games! WBD CEO David Zaslav has a problem with the new media conglomerate that he’s been put in charge of. He axed the “Batgirl” movie on some bogus claims of it “failing” some tests, then declared that it will never be released, not in the theatres or on HBO Max. Oh and he’s not fond of HBO Max either. Apparently he doesn’t want stuff to premiere there. He wants everything back on the big screens.
By the way, you should expect bootleg versions of “Batgirl” to make the convention rounds soon. That’s what happens to a production that gets axed instead of being released. That’s what happened with the never-released TV pilot for “Wonder Woman”, not to mention Roger Corman’s version of “Fantastic Four”.
You know, you guys should see what passes for entertainment on the Discovery channels. “Reality” shows, documentary series, and crime dramas. Seriously, you really want to talk about quality when you air shows called “Wicked Tuna”, “Storage Wars”, “My 90-Day Fiancé”, “Long Island Medium”, and multiple variations of a heavily censored “Naked and Afraid”?
And, you guys are going to put that catalogue in your “new” version of HBO Max, but you axed 200 episodes of Sesame Street and cancelled the popular series Young Justice?
Meanwhile, your rivals at Disney are cranking out pretty much every show they can come up with. Second-grade villain from a Marvel series gets her own series. A supporting character that was killed in a Star Wars movie gets a prequel series. They’re not talking about quality or testing audiences. They’re just putting them on their streaming service. Anyone want a LEGO Star Wars summer special with evil characters in ugly swimsuits? They got it, while everything that has WB or DC on it is either on the ropes or are being scrapped for “tax reasons”.
Seriously, Zaslav... stop it! Just stop it!
Social Media – Enough with the censorship! Now I’m not talking about people committing violent acts or doing stupid stunts or threatening insurrection and putting it on Tik Tok or Snapchat. No, I’m talking about women who happen to have these things called breasts that end up getting reported if they’re showing anything less than a full burqa. I am sick and tired of hearing about women who happen to show cleavage getting their videos reported and taken down while some racist thug decides to post their acts of violence for entertainment. Enough with the misogynist reporting!
Stop it! Just frigging stop it!
Insurance Companies – stop doing stupid ads! Yes, I’m talking to you, Liberty Mutual and Progressive. Your ads aren’t funny. They’re not cute or comical. They’re annoying. They’ve been annoying. I’m sorry that nobody told you guys that but it’s true. They don’t encourage me to get insurance from you. They encourage me to reach for the channel changer or the mute button.
Stop it. Just... seriously... stop it.
Food People and Delivery People - Enough with the tipping fetish! You know, I worked in the service industry once upon a time. I flipped burgers and cooked fries and cleaned tables. I know the frustrations of the fast-food business, and it was for a whole lot cheaper than what you’re getting today.
But do you know what I didn’t try to do? I didn’t put a tip jar by the drive-thru window and expect people to pay extra for the food that they already paid for. I didn’t refuse to give food to people who didn’t already pre-tip.
Do you know what tipping means? It means gratitude for the quality of service you performed. You’re not *owed* a tip. You’re given one after you’ve done your service.
By the way, this includes all you self-entitled UberEats and DoorDash drivers. If you’re not going to do your jobs because your customers don’t want to pre-tip you via their credit card, then you need to find another line of work, and those customers should consider getting their food themselves. I don’t deal with DoorDash or UberEats or any other food delivery service for that very reason.
For the record, I do tip the pizza delivery people, and I’m pretty generous with it. But I do it in person and give them cash. Same when I go pick up Chinese food from my favorite restaurant. In person and in cash.
So stop it, you entitled pricks. Just stop it.
And finally...
News Services – enough with the fake horse races! Let’s get brutally honest here... I’m so sick and tired of politics right now, and the biggest reason has to do with these fake polls that the news services keep churning out about who is “ahead” or what the “approval rate” is. The minute anyone takes office, on the state or federal level, these news services churn out “approval ratings” and whether or not they would win re-election as if it was going to happen that day.
Enough with this! I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it. The only poll that matters is the ballot box. Everything else... and I mean every-single-thing-else... is fantasy politics. It’s all fake. It’s all speculation that has nothing to do with the actual elections.
So stop it already. Just frigging stop it!
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