The 2013 Brutally Honest Awards
– by David Matthews 2
Can you believe another year is ending? Me neither.
As has been tradition, we end the year by recognizing the best of the best and the worst of the worst and even some things that would otherwise best be left forgotten.
Now, let’s get brutally honest here… this list is not all-inclusive. It won’t have everything good or bad (or best left forgotten) for the year. You may not even agree with who gets the awards or why, but I hope you will appreciate the spirit that they are done in and understand the mindset of this not-so-humble commentator that has been at this since 1996.
So let’s kick it off with…
The “Failure Accomplished” Award for 2013: President Barack Obama – Apparently the Curse of the Second Term continues. Mister President, did you really think that the insurance companies would behave the way you expected them to when it came to healthcare reform? Seriously… did you not anticipate that they would screw over their own customers in advance of your marketplace? Did you not think, even for a moment, that they would take your promise of “You can keep your provider” and do everything in their power to make you into a liar?
Oh, and did you also really think that your Healthcare Exchange website would be ready in time to force every American to comply to your pet program? Hey, even Microsoft can’t get a decent launch without a boatload of bug fixes!
You know, if you wanted a website to run perfectly, then maybe you should have kept it in-house and let the NSA design it.
The “Len Needs A Cookie” Award for Tantrums in 2013: The GOP – Seriously, it’s gotten to the point that I’m now embarrassed to say that I used to be a card-carrying member of the GOP! From eternal crusades to repeal Obama’s healthcare reform law, to their eternal whining like children about how they’re not being “allowed” to have their bills passed the way they want them passed, to their orchestrated partial shutdown of the federal government, the GOP has shown they have outlived their usefulness in this country and need to go.
The “Born To Be Mild” Award for 2013: The Senate Democrats – So the GOP-controlled House can enact secret rule changes to facilitate a government shutdown and nobody calls that tyranny, but a modest change of an over-abused policy in the Democrat-controlled Senate for ONE part of their business is considered a “nuclear option”?
The Biggest Government Criminal in 2013: Attorney General Eric Holder – This man is guilty of helping facilitate the biggest case of fraud in the history of civilization by helping the banks avoid any kind of criminal liability for their criminal actions. We would be in a robust recovery today if Holder was even a third of the credible prosecutor needed for that position. You don’t believe me? Look at what they did in Iceland, and they were the testing grounds for the global recession! They did what we’re doing now and the situation got worse. They started jailing the bankers, and their economy turned around!
Why can’t we get that here? Because Holder is helping out his former clients!
The “Halfway Progress” Award for 2013: The Boy Scouts of America – So the Boy Scouts now accept gay scouts. Well that’s a serious first step forward. Sure it pisses off the bible-thumpers, but, hey, they’re easy to annoy. Just show them a globe.
One down, one to go. But, hey, I can see them eventually accepting atheists.
Speaking of…
The Steps Forward And Steps Back Award for 2013: The U.S. Supreme Court – So the justices say gay marriages are OK, but only for the states that recognize them… the ill-named “Defense of Marriage Act” is not, even though they won’t go so far as to invoke the 14th Amendment… oh, and supposedly “racism is over with” so the GOP states are free to discriminate again.
You have to wonder sometimes what the hell they are thinking… or if they are thinking.
The “Just Saved A Boatload Of Cash Without Switching To Geicco” Award for 2013: Not Getting Into Syria – Thank you Russia for stepping in and saving us the hassles of being the “global policemen” when it comes to Syria! You managed to save us from having to follow the Fox News Script and go into yet another war, and for that our federal debt says “Thank you!”
The “Goddamn You Straight To Hell” Award for 2013: The Boston Marathon Bombers! – Nothing more needs to be said about this.
The “You Can Join The Boston Marathon Bombers In Hell” Award for 2013: The Media and Our 9/11 Fear-Mongering – Again, nothing more needs to be said.
The “What The Hell Did You Expect” Award for 2013: The NSA Omni-Spying “Scandal” – Did you honestly think that the NSA, given carte blanche to do whatever they want to thanks to 9/11, would actually behave themselves with the power they were given?!? And do you really think that our government would actually do anything that would truly curtail that power? And they call me clueless for being a libertarian!!!
The “Need Bitchslap Now” Award for 2013: The Fox News Script – So Edward Snowden is supposedly a “traitor”, yet he did America a favor by leaking the information about the NSA’s abusive practices. Syria a “useless war” and yet “we have to be the world’s policemen”. “Big Brother” is evil, but yet Boston is bombed and people wonder why doesn’t the government know about these “evil-doers” before they strike.
Seriously, the Fox News Script is not only hypocritical, it and the people behind it need to be slapped senseless.
The “Seriously, WTF” Award For 2013: Miley Cyrus – I think I’m just tired of hearing about her and the things she’s been doing to get attention. The crazier she’s been getting, the more unattractive and unappealing she’s become. And if you think I’m kidding, then take a look at Miley with her “short bob” hair and then look at a picture of Justin Bieber. The two are identical!
And then, the insulting part come when someone stands up and says “Oh it’s just marketing!” Marketing?!? When Britney Spears went off on the Crazy Train and ended up being hospitalized, was that “marketing”? When Linday Lohan faced prison, was that “marketing?”
The “Please Go Away Now” Award for 2013: Anthony Weiner – Okay Mister Weiner. You failed to get the nomination for Mayor of New York City. Can you please return to obscurity? Oh, and repeat after me… Nobody wants to see your weener, Weiner!
The “This Needs To Fail Now” Award for 2013: Xbox One – Microsoft Strongman Steve Ballmer is supposed to retire at some point in the next year, and it needs to be sooner rather than later. First Windows 8 is a bust, and then there was the news of DRM standards for the Xbox One that would require you to have it always connected to the Internet, not to mention prohibit sharing games that you paid for with your money. And if that’s not bad enough, there’s the revelation that Xbox will suspend your account if you curse.
No, I have no plans on getting an Xbox One… ever.
The 2013 Word That Needs To Die Forever: “Twerking” – Just call it for what it is… it’s dry-humping! The young women that engage in “twerking” are really just dry-humping without a partner. And you know what? If we started calling it for what it really is way back when, you wouldn’t see too many people engaging in it.
The Biggest Display of Vanity in 2013: Making “Selfie” into a word – Yes, thanks to something started by a certain Playboy Playmate, the word “selfie” has become an official word. I don’t fault the playmate… (she did, after all, help make “Frisky Friday” into a weekly thing)… but it bothers me a little bit to know that we now have a new official word to define an act of sheer vanity.
The “This Is Not Your Daddy’s Superhero” Award for 2013: “Man of Steel” – I’ll just let the review by the Nostalgia Critic and Angry Joe explain the whole thing. I liked the movie. It wasn’t “epic”, but it also wasn’t as bad as “Superman IV”. I may have to re-start my “Hero Corner” posts over at TGWTG to explain further.
And finally…
The “I Don’t Want To Go” Award for 2013: ShockNet Radio – Eight years of sticking it to organized religion, organized politics, Big Brother, Big Corporate, Little Brother, and everyone else in between… and all while playing great classic rock from the past sixty years!
And, sadly, that all came to an end this past November 29th.
I was an active part of ShockNet Radio for many of those years, contributing commercials, special-interest spots, commentary, and was the host of both “Brutally Honest on ShockNet Radio” and the resurrected “Brutally Honest – LIVE” shows. I had the honor of co-hosting the second incarnation of “American Heathen®” with RJ Evans and even served as Roastmaster for RJ’s on-air birthday roast. I was there when “Sports Talk On The Juice” and “Kick Start” and “High Instability” and the other shows came and went. I was there at the beginning of “The Rock and Roll Diner” and “Hard Luck Chuck’s Juke Joint” and I was there at their respective ends. There wasn’t a weekend that I wasn’t working on something for the radio station.
So needless to say, the news that ShockNet Radio was going to be shut down hit me like a ton of bricks. This was “City of Heroes” all over again!
Still, I didn’t just give up. I trudged on through to the very last show. I didn’t decide to take a break. I didn’t just stop doing shows or cut back on my broadcasts. I stayed on through week after week…when the hardware worked for me, that is. It wasn’t easy, but I did it. And, yes, I have the trophies to prove it!
So that’s it… for both the ShockNet Radio Era and for 2013.
See you guys in 2014.
